


Damned I Might be, but at Least I have Nice-Cream.

by Jacob_Riis



Series: Chara is Probably Good. [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Always gonna tu-u-urn around, Chara is a person, F/M, First Person, Gaster is an ass, Headcanon, Humans can learn magic, Never gonna give you up!, Never gonna let you do-o-own!, Never will they ever get together (r.i.p. Toriel/Asgore), and Alphys and Undyne are cute, and I'm not sure how Sans feels about it, and Papyrus shouts as normal, and dissapoint you!, but like he has insomnia and gets pissed easily
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 04:03:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14127666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacob_Riis/pseuds/Jacob_Riis
Summary: Frisk has always known about Chara. It was just a matter of reaching out to them, and when they did, everything started spiraling downwards. Meanwhile, Burgerpants hooks up with Nice-Cream guy, and marriage is imminent. (Takes place twelve years after the barrier is broken).





	1. Pilot: Part One

**Author's Note:**

> So ah, yeah. This is the first part of a pilot for a new series I'm working on. The name was a last minute thing, and I laughed pretty hard at the irony of it. I hope somebody gets it by the end of this, but anyway. I hope you all enjoy, and please let me know what your thoughts are and if you can't sleep, may as well be as great a shitposter as everyone expects you to be!
> 
> Have a great day,  
> ~ Jacob Riis

* * *

 

Look, I know what you're thinking. "How is Chara alive?" You're asking. "Why isn't everyone dead already?" You demand to know. "Why haven't you and Sans boned?" Rule 34 implores. I've seen the pictures, and yes, even our universe is that fucked up. I mean seriously, they see a skeleton and the first thing they think is "Time for bone zone!". Not that I'm shaming you, he's a pretty handsome skeleton, but just not my type. Now, I've known Chara is alive for some time now. I've seen their devious smiles around the corner, their bright green sweater trailing behind them like an afterimage. It had always disturbed me, but I can deal with it. I'm a big person now (and no, I still haven't figured out my fucking gender. It bothers everyone, and honestly, I think I haven't put the thought in simply because of that) and I can deal with big person things. Like a relationship. That's what I had thought a good twelve hours ago, but now? I'm not so sure. 

Looking over the damned messenger posts between Sans and the new user in their group 'foreverAlone', I felt sick. It was the first time I had seen him like this and I wasn't sure I really wanted to. He was constantly on his phone, texting them, excusing himself whenever he heard the telltale 'beep boop' of his phone. He hadn't bothered to change the default ringtone either, and I'm pretty sure he got that damn phone just because of the user. And all of this had started only a few days ago. I didn't realize it was this bad, until now though, and I just stared wide-eyed at the wall of text.

**\- fartMaster69 is online -**

**\- foreverAlone is online -**

**fartMaster69: i smell something bad**

**foreverAlone: Nah, that's just me**

**fartMaster69: oh ye, _must'_ ave forgot**

**foreverAlone: That is the _worst_ ishire joke I've ever heard**

**fartMaster69: too bad we don't have any tartar to go with all this _fishy_ business**

**fartMaster69: wait, i have a good one**

**fartMaster69: how did the skelly know it was going to rain?**

**foreverAlone: Did he feel it in his bones?**

**fartMaster69: nah, he just watched the weather channel**

**fartMaster69: hehe, all this is really weathering me down, gotta go grab a nap**

**foreverAlone: Kk, talk with you later!**

**\- fartMaster69 is offline -**

I just winced internally as I read through it, a hand on my forehead. I was really starting to feel bad for the poor soul on the other end. Then again, they seemed to enjoy it. On the other hand, so did I, to an extent. But regardless, if this is what a relationship just starting looked like, I wasn't sure I could live through the next stages. I stretched my arms up over my head, looking back at the notes I had set aside to look through Sans's personal stuff, and sighed as my arms came back down to the keyboard, fingers stretching out. It was time to get back to work.

Several hours had passed before I noticed something was off in the room. It was subtle, but off regardless, and that was when I found out the Chara was really still alive. Of course the first thing I did was open my menu (because these feelings tended to come from the menu) and saw that my Lv, which was dutifully at one for a solid twenty-four years of existence, was nearly maxed out. I just stared at it, willing it to go down before resigning myself to the anger management I knew I'd need soon. The second thing I noticed in the room when I turned around in my oh so comfy swivel chair was the pair of crimson eyes staring at me intently from the shade of my bed. They had grown up, but so had I. It wasn't unusual for ghosts to grow like that (you hoped beyond hope because ghosts weren't supposed to exist in the first place). Stretching again, I eyed the other body in the room and waited for a few moments, my hands behind my head before I spoke up.

"You got anything better to do?" I smirked, lightening my eyes a bit. Acting had always been my forte, but so sorely was I able to show it off.

"Nah, the whole erasing the world thing hasn't worked out yet-" They smirked back, knowing the headaches references to other timelines gave me and continued. "-so I figured I'd just follow you around. See what entertainment I can glean from the people you love so much." 

"So, you're just here to be annoying," I concluded with a self-satisfied spin back to the desk, determined to ignore them until this paper was finished. 

"Coward." They muttered, just loud enough for me to hear but they didn't say anything else for a while.

I had sat in relative silence for the duration, the clicking of the keys and the mug of tea I occasionally picked up and drank from the only sounds in the room, and for me, the silence was a comforting norm. I didn't usually have a lot going on, the weekly meetups with my friends being the loudest things I went to. But something was different about this silence. You see, I live on the third floor in an apartment complex in Ebott, which as of yesterday had become one of the ten top largest cities in the world. If I can speak honestly here, and I hope I can, that scares me more than anything. But the silence I had grown so accustomed to was always accompanied by the sounds of traffic below, the people in apartments around mine partying and playing loud music (and I never had the courage to ask them to stop. In my defense though I've come to like a lot of the stuff they play, even if the constant raves were a bit annoying), and the ding of my phone, which because of my status as ambassador made ceaseless. This new silence disturbed me, but I typed on, and only decided to investigate when I had finished what I hoped was an A+ paper for my professor. 

When I looked up though, I found Chara sitting in the center of the room, on one leg, balancing making weird faces at their reflection in my standing mirror. Honestly, why did I bother? 

"Chara, seriously. Shoo." I made shooing motions with your hands, and stood up, placing a hand on each of their shoulders, gently pushing to the door. 

They looked back and pouted. I just gave my most frustrated smile in return. 

"Go bother your dad or something." 

"No."

"Why?"

"He doesn't need me there."

"Then your mom."

"No, and you aren't allowed to say she doesn't want you there."

"She's never home" I just sighed at that, and let go of them just walking back into the room. Curse my weak spine. I dug around in my dresser, pulling out a spare key and tossing it to them. 

"Spare key to the apartment, the bathroom is over there. Make do with the futon I keep for guests." You deadpanned, collapsing back onto your bed. You had never been able to get rid of them. Why did you think it would be any different this time.

They made a small motion of triumph with their hands and quickly pocketed the key. This was going to be a long night. 

* * *

 

**Extra Scene:**

The doorbell always seems to be the thing that wakes me up. Every few days the doorbell will ring and I'll hope it's a deliveryman bringing me a package I don't remember ordering. Most of the time it's something that changes my plans for the next few days. Nonetheless, I'm always disheveled and in need of a bath when I answer the door. But when I answer the door half naked, flowers in my hair, a mess behind me and the person who rang the doorbell is Alphys, then my first thought isn't hello please go away, it's usually 'shit shit shit shit shit'. Especially when nobody knows who chara is, and they're in the same state, trudging up behind me.

Alphys looked me over with a look of resignation before she saw Chara, and a bright blush enveloped her entire face. 

"O-o-oh s-sorry!" She hid her face behind the stack of important looking papers she was holding, and just rushed into the room, throwing the stack on the desk and jumping into my oversized trash can. She pulled her phone out and started taking pictures, a scandalous look on her face. Chara seemed bemused, and just reclined on the wall. 

* * *

 


	2. Pilot: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think I'd get this kind of reception so early. Now I understand how much that little 'kudos' means to creators... Thank you! I was really nervous about uploading this, so much that I only posted half of the actual pilot ;-; I'm going for updates as often as I can, hopefully every day but I think we all know how well that goes. If you see any errors (such as a you where there should be an I, etc.) please let me know!
> 
> Ya'll have a great day!  
> ~ Jacob Riis

* * *

I shuffled through the stack of papers left on the desk, Alphys nervously hovering nearby as I read several of the reports. They seemed to be somewhere in between blatant acts of racism and full-on war declarations by individual communities. I just sighed, rubbing my temples with a hand, and flourishing the paper with the right trying to make sense of it. 

"Okay, so. I get that a lot of the northern states are still trying to block monster immigration, but the federal government is protecting monsters as citizens." I set the paper down on the desk and looked back to Alphys, who almost seemed to flinch. "Did you speak with Ross about this?" Ross was my 'apprentice' in the way of ambassadorship. He was happily married to a monster and had seemed overly eager to get the job. I almost didn't want to train him, but Asgore put it in such a way that I just had to. That way being that I can get out of the meetings if Ross 'fills in'.

Alphys just nodded, fidgeting. "T-t-the rep-port is unprec-c-cident-ted... We've n-never had an attack l-like this before..." She managed to find her voice near the end, though still trailing off into almost silence. 

"So, we have untrained militia guarding borders that don't exist to keep monsters out. That I can deal with. Add that the militia is getting antsy, trigger prone and racist enough to aim it at a group of innocent children?" I stare down at the report, frustrated. Twelve monster children and a supervising parent had been shot and killed because they strayed too close to the border, and were playing in a, quote, 'threatening manner'. 

"What'cha gonna do about it?" Chara spoke up, with a donut half in their mouth, still without a shirt for some reason, and reclining on the bed. Their arms were behind their head, and they had this smug look of satisfaction about something on their face.

"No clue. Alphys, go get Undyne. Inform her of the situation, she is under orders not to attack unless clearly provoked with witnesses nearby. She is to have a counter patrol of monsters she knows can follow the orders. Keep her on standby until I consult Asgore."

"O-okay!" She gave a brief mock salute, and a shy smile as she quickly escaped the room. Chara just chuckled. 

"No clue, huh?" 

"Yeah. We're probably gonna have more deaths on our hands before tomorrow night, the patrols will certainly just anger the militia, and I'm not sure who the federal government will support. We really don't need a civil war." I put my head in my hands as I sank into the chair. Within a few moments, I felt hands on my shoulders massaging them gently as I sighed in content at the feeling.

Last night had been rough. After I had handed over the keys to the place, Chara had promptly made themselves at home. It was a small space, but they were perfectly capable and willing to conform to it. _'Look, Frisk. I know it's not great, and I know you probably resent me for the Lv... Please just let me stay. I want to make amends'_. I really wasn't sure how I felt about it yet, but they had tried. And in turn, I tried for them. I made dinner for them and broke out the Monopoly board. They beat me ruthlessly, but eh. It was fun. Really, it was the most fun I've had in weeks, which surprised me only a little less than that Chara was incredibly personable. They were fun to be around and great for when you're stressed. 

"Thanks..." I mutter, relaxing a little bit more into the chair. I might'ave been spending too much time with Sans, but I needed a nap. 

* * *

I sat in my chair on the terrace and looked down at the street below, watching the passing traffic with a sense of contempt. How many of the humans living here really wanted to coexist with monsters? I just shook my head and kept watching them. 

"Frisk. You're gonna catch a cold." Chara said from just inside the door, their hands pale on the glass of the door. 

"I need to think." I shot back, almost angry. Yeah, I was going to need to get a handle on that.

"Then do it inside." They narrowed their eyes and walked out onto the terrace with me. "It isn't healthy to dwell, Frisk." They said my name again, and I looked over at them. They really had grown, and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. On one hand, I knew they were technically dead. On the other hand, they were a really attractive corpse... No, I didn't need to think about this now. 

"I'm not dwelling, I'm thinking about a new problem." I diverted my gaze before they could catch me staring.

"Which is?" They had seen. Shit.

"I..." I paused, glancing at them. They were smirking. Double shit. "You know the upcoming holiday?"

"Adequately named 'Anniversary of the day New New Home was made Possible by Frisk the Human' day?" They teased. Why did we let Asgore name everything...

"Yeah... Ah, I hate them." I said bluntly. It wasn't a lie, except that I wasn't thinking about it at all. "Mind spiking the drinks?" 

They just raised an eyebrow. "...Sure." They said after a long moment. "Anyway, get your lazy but back inside. I can't take advantage of a host if they're sick!" They grinned and tugged me up, leading me inside. 

* * *

Asgore is a kind soul. I know that, but sometimes I forget that he was once the king of the monsters. This was one of those occasions.

"As I'm sure you are all well aware, we are on the brink of war." He spoke with such authority in his voice that you didn't think was possible. I was at a conference with all of the most important figures in the monster politics. That is to say, me and my friends. Sans Sans of course. He was probably off at his computer...

I shook my head and straightened my back.

"There have been attacks, and many have died on our side. I hope you can bear with me as I implore we remain at peace, I have spoken to the human government about the issue and they assure us they are working on mobilizing." He takes a deep breath, and looked each member of the council, as it were, in the eyes. "If any of the present wishes to fight, please leave the room now. There are representatives waiting." He bows his head and closes his eyes, and I follow suit, waiting to hear if anybody would leave. After a few moments, the door opened and shuffling footsteps could be heard. 

"heya, kiddo" I jerked up, looking at the skeleton across the room. "got a favor to ask you if you don't mind."

I looked to Asgore, and he sighed, motioning your dismissal.

"great." He waited for me to walk over before he wrapped his arm around mine, and frog-marched me out of the room into what looked like Grillby's. I hate his shortcuts. Absolutely hate them. I glanced over at him and quickly averted my eyes, his eyelights nonexistent. "so kid. i heard some rumors..."

I tried to break his grip on my arm to sit down, refusing to look at him.

"chara, huh?"

Anywhere than his eyes were more appealing to look at in my humble opinion. Anywhere else.

He waited for an answer, his grip only tightening.

I remained silent.

"k." 

* * *

 


End file.
